The Rut

Have you ever felt like you were in a rut? Comfortable though it may be at the time, a rut leads to nowhere. It's like running in place, you are not moving forward. I realized recently that I am in a deep rut. I have been dissatified lately with many things. Now, dissatifaction seemed like the wrong thing to be feeling, but the longer I looked at it, the more I realized it was God's way of waking me up to the deep rut I am in. I need, and want something more. I am content in God's goodness and mercy, and his saving grace. I still believe in all the things I've believed in for 40 years. But, I am hungry for a reawakening, for myself and for others. Jesus is coming again, and I wonder if he will find "faith" upon the earth? Or will he find us compliantly trudging in our ruts?
Day after day we go through the routine of serving the Lord. We perform our required duties; we pray, we serve, we give. I am craving a fresh outpouring of the Holy Spirit. I just am not content with the same-o, same-o...
Easter Sunday morning I awoke early and sat in my rocker to have my devotions before the sunrise service. I was talking to the Lord and I realized it was like I was talking to an empty room. The utter loneliness I felt in that instant was so alarming - I cried out to the Lord that I did not want him to forsake me. In an instant I felt his love and comfort, like a child who has been afraid in the dark, and then suddenly felt the comfort of a parents arms around, assuring, making one feel safe. God's promise is true, he will never forsake us. He still loves us even when we are searching, seeking, desiring, feeling lost and alone.
I've had an argument going on with God for quite a long time now. Guess who's winning? God doesn't argue. He states. He says. He does. He listens to us as we argue, complain, or conjole. He waits for us to come to the realization that his requirments are just that, his way. We can try to go under, go around, go over, but in the end we still have to take the way he has laid out for us.
My husband is a minister. He's called by God to minister. He must minister to be in the center of God's will. I want him to be in the center of God's will, but in my present state of mind, I don't want to be a minister's wife for awhile. I've tried to convince God that he could use Steve in another capacity, thus the "argument." Some reading this will not understand, but many who are the wife of a minister, and have been for many years, will totally understand where I am coming from and will not judge me harshly.
I cannot get out of the rut I'm in without the Lord's help. I know he has a plan that will accomplish his goal in my life, as well as give me the rest and refilling I so desperately need after 37 years of being a minister's wife. I know His ways are the best ways and he is able, more than able to help me in this phase of my life. I am risking being transparent for the sake of those of you who are in the same rut as I find myself in. You are the compliant, obediant, serving, self-sacrificing minister's wife that like myself, needs a fresh anointing on your life too. I am praying for you, pray for me. Together, God will raise us up out of our ruts of weariness, loneliness and once again bring the joy of serving back to us - but first, he will awaken us, inspire us anew, heal our wounded hearts, comfort our lonely souls, and send someone to minister to us in this our time of need and desire. Even Jesus had to go aside and rest awhile, so I think he understands us as minister's wives. In our service we become weary too. I think it should be required that ministers and their wives take sabaticals at various intervals of their ministry.
Those who read this who are not the wife of a minister, I pray that you will see your minister's wife in a new light, and maybe you can be the vessel that will give her the extra lift she needs to get beyond the rut that she may be in at this time of her life. Be kind and patient with your minister's wife; she is human too.